Sailing - The Best Thing That Ever Happened

I met my wife, Joan, in New York City in the 1980’s.  If it were not for sailing I’m not sure she would have dated me.

She was someone who grew up near the Puget Sound in Olympia Washington, but her family was not boat centric like mine.  She was exposed to sailing on her neighbor’s boat in the 70’s and raced some on it but longed to do it more than her circumstances allowed. Taking sailing classes through a city parks program got her started but not satisfied, because she never had the chance to own a sailboat and spend as much time as she pleased on the water.

On the other hand, I grew up in Michigan in a family of boaters.  We were not strictly sailors, but we had boats of every shape and size: row boats, ski boats, cabin cruisers for cruising the Great Lakes and also sailboats for racing.  Fortunately for me there was a sailing club on the lake where we had a cottage.  I spent my summers racing sailboats, water skiing, exploring the connecting chain of lakes in a small boat with a 3 horse engine and fishing.  Life in a boat was second nature to me.

When I moved from Michigan to New York, the first thing I looked for was a sailing club, and I bought a beat up old Thistle sailboat before I had a car. I had never seen a Thistle before, but I chose it because I could afford it, and there was a strong fleet of Thistles in the sailing club I joined in Connecticut. To me it wasn’t the boat that mattered as much as the fact I could race and be on the water.

When I met Joan I had a motorcycle so that I could get out of New York to the sailing club in Connecticut.  Joan was more than eager to jump on the back and come Thistle sailing with me.  I’m not sure Joan would have done this if she didn’t have a strong desire to sail and get out of the city for awhile on the weekends.  If you’ve never sailed in a Thistle, it is great fun, but a painful experience, with a narrow rail to sit on and diamond stays on the mast that gave her so many bruises on her legs and arms that it looked like I was abusing her.  I never truly understood how much sailing meant to her until one day she told me that one of the main reasons she was attracted to me was that I was a sailor.  I offered her something that she didn’t have, but wanted: sailing. If I was a little smarter I would have found a less painful boat for us to sail sooner in our relationship! But, I’m not that smart.

When we moved west to Olympia in 1990, we brought our Thistle with us across the country.  But the Thistle was not the best boat for our new circumstances.  We took it out once when Joan was pregnant with our first daughter, and it reminded us of why we needed to move on.  Pregnant and bruised is not a good combination.  We sold the Thistle, and it was the end of that era. I can honestly say that every boat we have owned since the Thistle was Joan’s doing.  She just needed to be on the water, and it has been my pleasure to help make it happen. I take it for granted; she doesn’t.  I’ve always had boats; she has always wanted them.  It is an important part of the bond between us.

During the 90’s at Joan’s urging we bought a small runabout with a 90 horse outboard that we used to explore the South Sound.  We had a radius we could go from the ramp at Boston Harbor—the distance we could travel before the kids would make us crazy.  The radius was small at first and we discovered a small beach at Hope Island, a local State Park accessible only by water, where our daughters would play and eat the sand.  When they got a little older we could make it as far as Lake Bay on the Key Peninsula where the kids could explore and swim in the warm, shallow tidal water.  During the 90’s I would occasionally sail in the Wednesday night races with friends, and Joan would not be happy about it.  I figured she was being selfish for not wanting me to sail.  What I should have known was that what she wanted more than anything was to sail with me.  How stupid can a guy get?

During our power boating days, we would borrow a C&C 35 from Joan’s brother for a week long summer sailing trip to the San Juan Islands.  We would spend a week exploring the islands and watching for whales. This was a terrific family activity, and it got us out in a sailboat together again, reminding me of what a pleasure it was to be out on the water with the entire family for an extended period. It was like the trips in Michigan I used to take on the Great Lakes as I was growing up. But a boat of this type was not in the cards for us just yet.

In 2004 in the local paper, she read about a Star fleet that was starting on Budd Inlet.  She decided it was time to get a sailboat that we could afford and race together.  It was something that she wanted to do with me. I got in touch with the Fleet Captain, and he got us in contact with someone in LA who had a boat that met our needs: not too much money and the promise of not too much work to get it race ready.  We took a family road trip to Southern California to pick it up in the spring of 2005.  We sailed it together that summer, and I can say that it was fantastic racing with her again.  She just wanted to be on the water sailing again with me. And for me it was as much about being on the water sailing with her as it was racing.  As it happened, both our daughters wanted to try racing Stars with me the next year, and as a mother she wanted them to have the experience of sailing that she never had growing up. This left her on the shore without sailing again. This would never be acceptable and would lead to the next boat, something big enough for the family to sail together.

With her determination and prodding we found a Catalina 36 in Seattle that was perfect for the family to sail, but when we finally made an offer it was already sold.  The disappointment was palpable and caused us to give up on the search for about year. I was working in Oregon and this was a low point for me being so far from Joan and the girls. But Joan really wanted a boat for us to sail together.  For her it was as much a symbol of our relationship as it was a boat.  We needed something to call our own, a sacred space where we could be totally together.  Face it, she just likes being out on the water, and I’m lucky enough to be able to make that happen. We started looking again, and to our surprise the Catalina we were looking at the year before was back on the market.  Apparently the new owner was transferred out of town and it was just waiting for us to be ready to buy her.  After we bought it we made a vow that the boat was just for the two of us and we would never sail it without the other.  When I’m out on the water with Joan I can talk more easily or not talk at all; I’m at peace.

Life without sailing for me would be desolate. The connection it gives me to my wife and daughters would be lost.  But it took me along time to realize how much it meant to her. Because of her we have boats of every shape and size just like how I grew up. They represent freedom and togetherness. I’m not any good at finding meaningful gifts; I’m not much of a shopper and could never buy jewelry or a trinket that has any meaning.  The one thing I can do is give her the gift of sailing, something that touches my soul, and I can share it with her. The wind, the water, and conversation on a summer day…I can’t think of anything better as long as she is with me.